Evon Inyang | Source | Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist | Relationship Therapist at...

1. Let Go of the Idea That Sex Has to Be Perfect
Sex isn’t a performance. It’s not supposed to look like a movie scene, and it definitely won’t always be smooth, effortless, or Instagram-worthy. Sometimes, you’ll get a leg cramp. Or someone will fart. Or you’ll both burst out laughing in the middle of things. That’s normal.

One of the biggest myths people carry is that great sex should just “happen” naturally—like if you’re with the right person, everything will be flawless. But real intimacy is messy, human, and sometimes awkward. And that’s okay. The best sex happens when you stop worrying about whether you’re “doing it right” and just focus on what feels good in the moment.

2. Communication Fixes More Than You Think
If there’s one thing that could instantly improve most relationships—both in and out of the bedroom—it’s talking about sex. But for some reason, so many people feel like they should just “know” what their partner wants, or worse, that bringing it up will ruin the mood. It won’t.

Not everyone enjoys sex the same way. Not everyone likes the same things. And no, you’re not supposed to just automatically “click” with someone without any effort. You have to talk about it.

Ask your partner:

“What do you like?”
“What makes you feel good?”
“Is there anything I do that you don’t love?”
These conversations can feel weird at first, but they save so much frustration down the road. Sex gets better when you stop guessing and start listening.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Porn or Other People’s Sex Lives
If you’ve ever thought, Am I supposed to be louder? Faster? More flexible?—you’re not alone. A lot of people secretly worry they’re “bad” at sex because it doesn’t look like what they’ve seen in porn or heard from friends.

Here’s the truth:

Orgasms look different for everyone. Some people make a lot of noise. Some don’t. Some orgasm quickly. Some take time. There is no “normal.”
Bodies react differently. Just because something worked for an ex or in a past relationship doesn’t mean it’ll work for your current partner.
You’re only seeing the highlight reel. Your friends might talk about their wild sex lives, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have awkward moments or dry spells too.
If you constantly feel like you’re “not doing enough” in bed, ask yourself: Am I actually unhappy with my sex life, or am I just measuring it against something unrealistic? Because good sex isn’t about looking like a porn star—it’s about feeling good with your partner.

4. It’s Okay If You Don’t Like Sex
Not everyone is obsessed with sex, and that’s completely normal. Some people have high sex drives, some don’t. Some people only enjoy sex in the right emotional setting, and some don’t really care about it at all.

I’ve had clients who thought they were asexual, only to realize they just weren’t a good fit with their partner. Others have gone years wondering, Am I broken for not wanting sex as much as everyone else? The answer is no—you’re not broken.

What matters isn’t how often you have sex, but whether you feel good about your relationship. If you don’t love sex, that’s okay. If your partner does and you’re trying to find balance, that’s a conversation—not a sign that something’s wrong with you.

The Bottom Line
Sex is different for everyone. The only thing that truly matters is that you and your partner feel comfortable and connected—whatever that looks like for you.

Don’t chase perfection.
Talk about what you want.
Stop comparing yourself to porn.
And if sex just isn’t a big deal for you? That’s totally fine too.
At the end of the day, good sex isn’t about what it looks like—it’s about how it feels.