Renee Zavislak | Source | Licensed Psychotherapist, Trauma Specialist, Nutritionist, Host at Psycho The...

Renée Zavislak, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in treating trauma (including PTSD and CTPSD) with EMDR and other modalities, explains: “When we are in REM sleep, our left brain uses the most accessible right brain snapshots to create a story. During EMDR, we deliberately go after some of the deeper trauma memories, metaphorically popping the lid off the neurological container where they are stored. After the EMDR session is concluded, our body continues this for a time, which means that additional trauma snapshots make their way out of the container but are not reprocessed. These “right brain escapees,” as I call them, become the content of our dreams.” The dreams may be related to the topic you were working on in EMDR, but they could also be completely random.

Zavislak says, ”In my experience, the most intense dreams happen the night after the first EMDR session,” but could stay vivid for as long as a few days after (or until the trauma or feeling you are working on in EMDR is fully “processed.” For some people, dreams will be particularly intense during the entire span of EMDR treatment (which is usually at least five sessions spread out over time).

If you’re interested in or currently receiving EMDR therapy, it’s reasonable to expect your dreams to be “particularly prickly during the EMDR process,” says Zavislak, who also hosts the podcast Psycho Therapist. She says you can expect relief from both your symptoms and any symptomatic dreams beginning the day after your EMDR treatment is completed.

from: https://sleepopolis.com/news/why-do-people-have-such-intense-dreams-after-emdr/

Renee Zavislak, a licensed psychotherapist and trauma specialist who hosts Psycho Therapist: The Podcast, believes the reason for this apparent conflict may come down to Gen Z's position as the generation of disruptors.

"They have blown up how we define and understand gender, sexuality, and the American Dream," Zavislak told Newsweek.

"Granted, many people in previous generations have worked to dismantle these constructs, but Gen Z is the generation that most commonly and comfortably rejects them. This certainly positions them to clash with older generations, in this case their in-laws."

Zavislak is keen to stress that in-law relations can be difficult "by definition" as they "ask us to maintain familial intimacy without the actual long-term bond that blood relatives usually have. We are expected to tolerate a level of intimacy for which we have no history."

In her view, the "sociological rebellion" that pervades Gen Z only adds to the likelihood of conflict. "Gen Z can wield gender neutral pronouns with ease and reject the confines of binary gender expression. They don't want to work the 9-5 capitalism death march. They are widely pansexual and polyamorous. They are, in essence, rejecting everything that the older generations are likely to experience as cultural laws of engagement," she said.

"All of this is likely to elicit fear and discomfort in elders who have not reevaluated these norms. This can be a difficult dynamic for blood relatives, but within the context of easily strained in-law relationships, these differences can be explosive."

(from Newsweek, 8 September 2024)

The highs and lows of Bennifer’s romance mimic the fairytale love story that so many of us know and want for ourselves — especially when there was hope of a happy ending.

“People want to see relationships survive and prescribe to the fairytale love that we believe in as children,” says Zavislak. “By idealizing stories like Bennifer's, when love triumphs over time and other partners, we reclaim that lost romantic hope. Likewise, their story hits us in our tender ‘first love’ spot. Anyone who has ever dreamed that their high school sweetheart would show up in their Facebook messages decades later to profess unrequited, enduring love can project their romantic hopes onto Bennifer's.”

For anyone who believes in true love, the reconciliation of Affleck and Lopez affirmed that belief. “As a result, it is vicariously devastating when it turns out that, in fact, love isn't enough,” she continues. “This is what the Bennifer breakup signals to fans, and it dampens the dreams many hold for a similarly fantastic love story.”

Zavislak adds that the looming deconstruction of the pair’s blended family adds to the heartbreak.

“While none of us saw what happened behind closed doors, the press showed Ben, his ex, his kids, [Lopez] and her kids marvelously melded together, cheering on the kids at sporting events and sharing holidays. Divorced parents and those wrestling with stepfamily struggles can project their situation onto Bennifer's, once again finding hope in what seems to be a perfectly blended family,” she says. “Now observers feel not only for Ben and Jen, but for those kids, who are the innocent bystanders in love's execution. Because so many families are divided by divorce, so many of us can feel their pain.”

But Zavislak says it’s important to remember that Bennifer’s relationship isn’t your own.

“The only people who really know what is going on in a relationship are the two people in it. No matter how much we think we know, whether it is about a celebrity relationship or our best friend's new love, the truth is that it's almost entirely a projection,” she says. “What we idealize in celebrity relationships is a direct reflection of what we want and dream of for ourselves. And when these idealized relationships fail, we feel the pain of our own love losses.”

“At the risk of sounding pessimistic, the other takeaway here is that the fairy tales lie,” she adds. “Life is complicated and love alone is rarely enough to guarantee a relationship's success.”